In an earlier blog post I told you that I wrote a poem expressing how I was feeling at a critical time in my life, it is entitled “ALL ABOUT LIFE.” This was during a time that I was trying to manage my own health and learn how to support my brother. Please remember this was written in 1976, my brother had been sick for a few years then and I felt lost without him, without the communication we once had. It was as though he wasn’t being understood and neither was I. I have grown so much since this time, with a lot of help from my brother, he taught me to let “him be him” and for “me to be me!” Here we go:
ALL ABOUT LIFE by Jennifer D. Ayers (8/29/1976)
The sun glazing through your window, acting as your alarm. You wake with regrets, knowing of your daily given addiction. However, this time, you just sit. Thinking, wondering in what direction is your life headed. Not making an effort to inject yourself with the fluid, designed to keep you alive. You have come to learn, Life is so HAZY! It’s not Sweet Flowers or like many say “Life is a Daisy.” Living pressures you into doing “this,” pressures you to do “that.” Life insists that you satisfy others then, please another, before you “suit” yourself. Life has given you emotions. Being alive makes it possible for you to be hurt, suffer, be misused, abused, be led on, be led in, live miserable then cry the tears of misery. Life is responsible for that pain you carry on your mind, the weight on your shoulder, the burden of your existence that you wish would escape you, but it only gets older. In your life you find you “stand” alone no matter whom or how many “stand” around you. Just take a notion from emotion. Say you are tired of standing, and then try to lean on the life next to yours. Well you will find yourself rising from the nice green earth. Look down, YES you were lying ALONE. Now it has come time for you to rest your weary life. Only in sleep. But it doesn’t matter if it’s the Sun, Rain or the Snow that assist you in your waking the next time. You’ll wake feeling the same way. Over and over again, until the direction you knew not of, has come to an end! Is life all that bad?
My answer today is “NO” life is NOT all that bad. I moved out of my own way. I am thankful that I have always seen my brother’s heart and the person he is. He is a very courageous and talented man, who has an illness. I had to grow to understand my own life and his. I am very blessed to be able to manage my health with support and that my brother has support, which helps him AND me!