Two weeks ago I received two cards in the mail from my brother. It may not sound like much but it is huge for me. I had just sent him a pair of shoes that I knew he would like, even though they were not his favorite type, which I am having trouble finding now. I thought maybe the cards were just to say “thank you,” maybe even a late birthday greeting. To my surprise, one was a Sympathy card which read: “A life well-lived is a life remembered with love. Someone who meant so much will live on in so many loving memories.” It touched my heart so deeply. You see, within my brothers diagnosis he has a very difficult time discussing death. It took him a very long time to acknowledge the passing of our Mother. Finally one day, while I was visiting my brother, out of the blue he said, “losing Mom is the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with.” I was so stunned because he could not before that point bring himself to say she was gone. He would push back from any conversation that had tones of her not being alive. My husband passed in September of 2011, it was not until last year, while I was speaking with him on the phone that he said, “I hope you have good memories, of Jerry.” I responded, “yes, I do.” Then he quickly went to another topic. So I feel, that the sympathy card was his way of expressing the loss of so many loved ones from over the years, that he just could not find a way to express the pain in words. Of course, for me it is not that way, I am grateful to be able to express my feelings of love and loss, and I have. I am very happy that my brother got around to it.
The second card read: “I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works and that my soul knows full well.” Psalm 139:14. That scripture was on the outside of the card and on the inside it read:
After taking it all in my heart was so full for many reasons. First, he felt the need to express himself and to let me know that he thinks about me. With all that goes on in his mind. I am very humbled and honored to occupy a little space in his thoughts.
I have not been able to reach my brother by phone for the last month. He is doing ok, just busy. I am ok with that because of the support system he has and embraced. I can at least find out how he is really doing. One of our very dear friends took the time to visit him and she told me, he was doing well during her visit and was very up beat and happy and he said, “I miss Jennifer.” I know it is on me to do something about that and I will. It is wonderful to take in my brother expressing his feelings, it is something that really does not happen to often. At least in feelings of love and loss. And of course, I can always contact Steve to get updates, in fact he delivered the shoe package.
Nathaniel has yet to say anything to me about the passing of our biological father or of our dear friend Alysa. At least now I know it may be coming soon.
Greeting to you as well my dear brother, Greetings to you…