Sad Days and Missing Mom

Let me begin by expressing my condolences to the families who suffered the loss of loved ones who attended and worked at Stoneman Douglas High School, in Florida.  Such a tragedy and we’ll be sending up our prayers.

Please allow me to share this with you, I know there are bigger concerns.  But here I go.  As I look at my life and yes there are so many things to complain about, if I just wanted to complain.  So many things that do not seem to be working out as I would like them too, if I choose to “see” it that way.  My dream is to continue on with making my Mother’s dream come true.  My Mother was an amazing woman and was truly ahead of her time.  She set out attempting to change how people looked at those who had a mental illness, she fought that battle until the day she passed away.

I do not know why today I thought about a time while Mom was in a nursing home and I flew in to Cleveland from Atlanta to visit.  She was going through the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s.  We threw her a birthday gathering at the nursing home in Beachwood, Ohio.  She was very quiet and looking around, it was breaking my heart and makes me emotional today especially when I think of how I knew that she was looking for her only son.  I walked over to her and asked “what’s wrong, Momma?” she said, “where’s Tony?  I miss Tony,” then her eyes teared up.  My Aunt Ollie was there and said,  “we are here Flo,” that made Mom force a half smile, but it didn’t stop her from looking around for her son.  And for me, I hurt over that for many years.  That demonstrated to me how much she loved him NO MATTER WHAT!  Please believe me when I tell you that Mom went through SO MUCH, I cannot convey her stress in this short blog.  Plus I share much of that in my book, which we hope to be released in late April.

Today, was a day that I had a heavy heart.  Feeling like I have not done enough and I simply miss my Mom.  She taught me many valuable lessons.  One was to “keep fighting” and another was to “make what you have work for you.”  When I was a child, I did not understand much of that nor did I express my inner feelings, in an effort to get clarity.  Thank God for allowing those teachings to stay with me so that I could catch up.

My brother still has an illness, but I believe that Mom would be a little more relaxed, now that what she fought for is in place, or more in place, SUPPORT.  However I know she would not stop there. Mom was determined to help ALL within her reach have more and better support.

If Mom could hear me she would know that I am saying, “I’m still here and I won’t give up.”  I think it is safe to say that Mom wants ALL to “Hear the Music” and “STOP STiGMA!”


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