Still

i know it’s not a good thing to NOT let go of certain ideas that have so many times in the past proven to be JUST WRONG and unhealthy. With my brother Nathaniel, I keep dreaming that one day he will somehow be able to have a chance to be the man he was before an illness took him off the track of being a classical musician, his dream.  I keep hoping that he will have a chance to see the world as so many other classical musicians do, some whom are even his friends.  I see his friends smiling, playing their instruments, traveling, married, living on their own and just appearing to have “normal” lives.  My brother has been through more than this keyboard can type.  I hurt for him, wishing that he had the chance to have the success he wanted, to be a husband, a dad, have dinner parties at his home, just being his witty self.

It really hurts and makes me feel a lot more helpless when I hear from Steve Lopez who tells me that he and some friends, Adam Crane and Joseph Russo took Nathaniel to a baseball game and he was having a moment – shouting names that to everyone else seemed irrelevant. I know they meant something to him.

He was having trouble walking and moving extreme slow, yet refused help.

THERE GOES MY HOPE, but just for a moment. Thank God I get knocked back into reality.  We are all getting older and of course I thank God for “Life” every single day and for how my brother has survived.  He is amazing. He is strong. He is Nathaniel.

He still plays music and he still has some dear friends, who keeps going back to show him love and support. Still…